Aging With Attitude

My book “Bound by an Oath” covers a span of years that sees its main characters mature and age. Back in the fifth century, you were very blessed to reach old age as you would have been challenged by diseases and violent acts that shortened the lives of many. I’d like to think that back then you would have been celebrated for your resilience and respected for your wisdom if you reached old age.

At the beginning of my novel Fra Paulos is an old man, nearing the end of his life. The narrative flips around from past to present and back again as he recalls significant incidences in his long life and shares his life story with the young Fra Luke. In the monastery where he was essentially held captive for several years, he has become a dearly beloved figure by the end of his life. His frailties are acknowledged, and he is given help when it is necessary, but he is never patronized or ignored.  I hope this would be the case in any religious community. Aethelreda has maintained her respected stature back in Lower Combe because she has been a wise ruler. Hers will be a hard act to follow for her son Aedisonne.

In my experience, the elderly are often disrespected and ignored. They are certainly not honored for their accumulated wisdom, which is a different thing from acquired knowledge. We older people might not be up with the latest trends, but we have a broad and deep pool of experiences to draw from. I am not talking about politicians or judges, who seem unable to lay down their work identities, (and who can blame them if they will become invisible once they retire?) but about the ordinary people you see in the grocery store, or at church, or at the airport, or in the park. Watch when a group of people of different ages are together. Notice how the elderly are often ignored.

As a woman and a person of small stature, I have always felt invisible, but it is so much worse, now that I am older. People look right past me, or over me, when making announcements or asking questions. If I ever have a person in a service industry job look me in the eye, it is quite startling and always gets a smile from me to say, “Yes, hello, I am a person too. Thank you for acknowledging my personhood.”

As a person who has held a respected position in the communities I have lived in and been recognized by the townsfolk, it was a bit of a letdown to move to another place where my role as a priest was not known. And I expect that kind of invisibility will become more of an issue as I age.

I recently saw a piece of writing attributed to Meryl Streep who is 75 years old and a very wise and beautiful woman.

She starts by saying “Aging is not for the faint of heart”, and she ends by saying “Aging is a gift. Wear it with dignity.” Perhaps if our role models for aging, many of whom work in the entertainment industry would accept their wrinkles and their gray hair as badges of merit, we ordinary people would find it easier to accept what we see in the mirror, and on camera.

Streep also said, “Aging is about learning to accept, to release, and to truly see that beauty was never just in the mirror... it lived in every story, scar and silent strength we carried within.”

Amen.

I intend to celebrate every wrinkle and white hair. I’ve earned every one of them.

(Quotes by Meryl Streep from various online sources.)

Note: this blog post was written before we declared war on Iran. If we did in fact declare war on Iran. According to some members of the government we have not done so, because the only legal way we can declare war is by an act of Congress.

But I am not allowed to be political in this blog, so enough of that.